Tuesday, September 1, 2009
how much i have lost so far
Just to let you know how i am going. It is now september and i have lost a massive 23 kilos. I am learning how to eat low carb and i am challenging my thoughts. Currently i am getting treatment for anxiety which i am seeing a professional for and she is teaching me how to challenge my thoughts. I am also beginning to believe in things in my life and myself.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
a new lesson i have learnt tonight
Tonight i went to my mother-in-laws for dinner. Normally my in-laws cook the most beautiful roast dinners. However, i have realised that this is a danger place for me if i am ever going to be slim. Several things i have learnt tonight:
1) Just because people keep reiterating the fact that her roast dinners are nice doesnt mean i have to keep listening to it. I already know that they are nice.
2) Just because people keep saying they are hungry doenst mean that i am as well. (i have noticed this with other situations, eg husband, who is always hungry)
3) Just because everyone else keeps eating doesnt mean that i am as well.
I think that what i am trying to say is to stop listening to others. I am obviously affected by their thoughts and views. Just because they brag about how much they are going to eat, doesnt mean that i have to eat a lot as well. I cant let my moods be affected by others thoughts. Its not okay for me to overeat because others say they are going to overeat.
I must keep reminding myself of these things and remember to be prepared everytime i go to my in laws house.
1) Just because people keep reiterating the fact that her roast dinners are nice doesnt mean i have to keep listening to it. I already know that they are nice.
2) Just because people keep saying they are hungry doenst mean that i am as well. (i have noticed this with other situations, eg husband, who is always hungry)
3) Just because everyone else keeps eating doesnt mean that i am as well.
I think that what i am trying to say is to stop listening to others. I am obviously affected by their thoughts and views. Just because they brag about how much they are going to eat, doesnt mean that i have to eat a lot as well. I cant let my moods be affected by others thoughts. Its not okay for me to overeat because others say they are going to overeat.
I must keep reminding myself of these things and remember to be prepared everytime i go to my in laws house.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
feeling a bit blah
Over ate today, ate way to many carbs, now i feel all yuck and sluggish. I dont like this feeling, i dont want to feel it again. I used to feel this way all the time and for a while i really like the comfortable feeling i was getting from loosing weight. I must remember not to do it again.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
no gall stones
Recently i have been in a slump because the doctor mentioned that i might have gall stones. However, i have been for the scan and i am okay. However, i do have mild fatty liver sydnrome. The Doctor said that there is a layer of fat on the outside of my liver.
Now i know people might not like me doing this. However, i have began Tony Ferguson. I need this for myself. After a not achieving anything for nearly four months i need to feel that i am achieving something. I really do feel that i am in the right frame of mind to really do some good this time.
Now i know people might not like me doing this. However, i have began Tony Ferguson. I need this for myself. After a not achieving anything for nearly four months i need to feel that i am achieving something. I really do feel that i am in the right frame of mind to really do some good this time.
Friday, January 30, 2009
who defines what is perfect
This is mainly a vent blog.
Who is it that defines what is perfection in a human. I firmly dont believe that there is a perfect human on this earth.
I hate these people that DECIDE that a person is perfect because they are beautiful or good looking. But what is defined as good looking? I dont believe there is a defination of good looking. My original thought was that this is all the fault of the male. Males consistently go after beautiful women who have the perfect hair and figure etc.
But females do it to. They define perfect as buff, with muscles, perfect hair and facial features etc.
In the end its a load of rubbish. I dont believe in any of it.
I am still waiting for this stupid scan to happen. I cant wait until next saturday.
Who is it that defines what is perfection in a human. I firmly dont believe that there is a perfect human on this earth.
I hate these people that DECIDE that a person is perfect because they are beautiful or good looking. But what is defined as good looking? I dont believe there is a defination of good looking. My original thought was that this is all the fault of the male. Males consistently go after beautiful women who have the perfect hair and figure etc.
But females do it to. They define perfect as buff, with muscles, perfect hair and facial features etc.
In the end its a load of rubbish. I dont believe in any of it.
I am still waiting for this stupid scan to happen. I cant wait until next saturday.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
the doctors this morning
This morning i went to the doctors and had a blood test result. It turns out that my liver counts are up which i knew already. Anyway my new doctor wants me to have a liver scan because he thinks he could be gall stones. :-( I will die if its gall stones. Anyway i was thinking about looking into a shake diet. (wrong i know, but i need something i need some kind of weightloss i need to see some results) Well i am not starting anything until i get the results of the liver scan. :-(
Monday, January 19, 2009
A new approach
I have ditiched the dieition and i am going with another program. I dont really think that person was really working for me. I am sure she is a person with lots of knowledge and know how but her personality was totally different to mine.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
300grams is that all??????
Today i arrived at my dietitians office ready to show off a good weight loss result. Anyway got on the scales and she did her fiddle thing (she has manual scales) anyway...... 300grams. My last consultation was 3 weeks before that. Surely i should be able to loose more than that? Now, i know that i have A LOT going against me medically but Please.... send me some decent results.
Now the positive side of me says 300 grams is better than nothing, and yes i realise that. But sometimes it gets so frustrating when you stay stagnant for such a long time and put in so much effort. All i want is a decent weight loss result, i am sick of this, i am sick of trying and getting no where.
My dietitian is frankly driving me nuts. She made the comment yesterday that it might take years for me to "feel" hungry. Does this mean that its going to take me years to loose the weight. I hope not because i am hanging by a thread here. If it takes me years i am very likely to give up.
Today i tried a different training technique which i think is like interval training. I have several hills around my area. I run or power walk up the hill then i walk very slowly down it so i have time to catch my breath back (which is great for me because i am asthmatic and i find if i keep going to hard then i trigger and attack) . I tried this once and i lasted for about 20 minutes but it was about 2:30 in the afternoon and stinking hot. Then i went home got a water bottle and went back for another 20 minutes. Anyway it was hot then too but the difference is this time every few laps i got to wet my throat which definitely made it easier. I would have kept going but it was really hot and i didn't want to push it any further than i already had. Especially seeing as my problems with fluid and mucus are still present. But i have boot camp tonight so its probably a good idea that i don't push it any further.
After spending Saturday night with a great group of friends, i wake with what feels like a bit of food stuck in my chest. I decided not to waste any time and went straight to the doctors. The doctor checks my throat and then informs me that its not food but my good friend mucus. (yuck)I have had this problem since late last year when i got a chest infection. Since then i have been getting either a cold, sinus or just continuous mucus) So the question is again, what is it that is making me sick? So far i have narrowed it down to my air conditioner, however i think its because i might actually be dehydrated because when i begain increasing my exercise i did not increased my water intake. I asked the doctor for a blood test to see if i am allergic to anything and i go back for the results on Wednesday. In the mean time he has given me another reliever which is supposed to help with mucus. I just hope that it doesn't come back environmental because then i am going to be stuck.
I cant give up, although i want to try something else. What this dietition is doing is unrealistic for me. What i should have done is lost the weight first then go and see her.
Now the positive side of me says 300 grams is better than nothing, and yes i realise that. But sometimes it gets so frustrating when you stay stagnant for such a long time and put in so much effort. All i want is a decent weight loss result, i am sick of this, i am sick of trying and getting no where.
My dietitian is frankly driving me nuts. She made the comment yesterday that it might take years for me to "feel" hungry. Does this mean that its going to take me years to loose the weight. I hope not because i am hanging by a thread here. If it takes me years i am very likely to give up.
Today i tried a different training technique which i think is like interval training. I have several hills around my area. I run or power walk up the hill then i walk very slowly down it so i have time to catch my breath back (which is great for me because i am asthmatic and i find if i keep going to hard then i trigger and attack) . I tried this once and i lasted for about 20 minutes but it was about 2:30 in the afternoon and stinking hot. Then i went home got a water bottle and went back for another 20 minutes. Anyway it was hot then too but the difference is this time every few laps i got to wet my throat which definitely made it easier. I would have kept going but it was really hot and i didn't want to push it any further than i already had. Especially seeing as my problems with fluid and mucus are still present. But i have boot camp tonight so its probably a good idea that i don't push it any further.
After spending Saturday night with a great group of friends, i wake with what feels like a bit of food stuck in my chest. I decided not to waste any time and went straight to the doctors. The doctor checks my throat and then informs me that its not food but my good friend mucus. (yuck)I have had this problem since late last year when i got a chest infection. Since then i have been getting either a cold, sinus or just continuous mucus) So the question is again, what is it that is making me sick? So far i have narrowed it down to my air conditioner, however i think its because i might actually be dehydrated because when i begain increasing my exercise i did not increased my water intake. I asked the doctor for a blood test to see if i am allergic to anything and i go back for the results on Wednesday. In the mean time he has given me another reliever which is supposed to help with mucus. I just hope that it doesn't come back environmental because then i am going to be stuck.
I cant give up, although i want to try something else. What this dietition is doing is unrealistic for me. What i should have done is lost the weight first then go and see her.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
my letter to Silvestro
Dear Silvestro,
Hi, how are you? I am feeling a little down today. I think your the only person who can pick me up. I have been doing a 45 minute walk everyday but its getting me no where.
I know what the problem is. I am a glucose intolerant and the doctors seem to think i might have PCOS. At the moment i just feel like i am going around and around in circles.I never feel hungry, sometimes i have to make myself eat something. Then i when i do feel like something its not real hunger. It usually stress or tiredness. My dietitian thinks that i have to do at least one hour and half to begin with. Which i don't mind doing, however what else can i do? Do those strength exercises count? such as weights, ab exercises etc. Do you have any other ideas that i can use to lengthen my exercise time.I am just really lost here Silvestro but i am scared because i am literally one step away from developing full blown diabetes. At the moment i am just trying to be as positive as i can but its really hard. These are the cards that i have been dealt and i just have to accept that this is what i must do.I am sorry to keep going on, i realise that you are probably very busy but any feed back you have would be greatly appreciated.
Katrina xxoo
Hi, how are you? I am feeling a little down today. I think your the only person who can pick me up. I have been doing a 45 minute walk everyday but its getting me no where.
I know what the problem is. I am a glucose intolerant and the doctors seem to think i might have PCOS. At the moment i just feel like i am going around and around in circles.I never feel hungry, sometimes i have to make myself eat something. Then i when i do feel like something its not real hunger. It usually stress or tiredness. My dietitian thinks that i have to do at least one hour and half to begin with. Which i don't mind doing, however what else can i do? Do those strength exercises count? such as weights, ab exercises etc. Do you have any other ideas that i can use to lengthen my exercise time.I am just really lost here Silvestro but i am scared because i am literally one step away from developing full blown diabetes. At the moment i am just trying to be as positive as i can but its really hard. These are the cards that i have been dealt and i just have to accept that this is what i must do.I am sorry to keep going on, i realise that you are probably very busy but any feed back you have would be greatly appreciated.
Katrina xxoo
Thursday, January 8, 2009
45 minutes
Recently i have been walking around the block at 48 minutes. Today i have narrowed it down to 45 minutes.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Katrina is awsome
Tonight i made a break through. All of our friends decided to go bowling. Traditionally i am hopeless at bowling, my ball is regular visitor to the gutter.
Anyway, i started bowling and i continuelly rolledmy ball into the gatter. After each ball my friends would snigger and laugh. Anyway after about 7 games i said to myself. I can do this, i love myself i am capable of anything. I also looked at my score and said "i have already achieved this much, i can do it. After that.... i actually started scoring. I came last in the whole game but who cares about that, i actually hit the pins. The first game i scored about 38.
The second game i beat my score and didnt come last. I scored 85.
The third game i started to put a bit of pressure on myself which i should do. I tried to talk myself out of it but i went about it the wrong way. I achieved my goal there was no need to put pressure on myself to score a strike. However, its going to take a considerable amount of time for me to change my way of thinking. I am not going to put pressure on myself to change a life time of habits in one sitting. I will get there, i just have to be patient with myself. I scored 58 in the third game. I came last but who cares, the highest i have ever scored in 15, i achieved something tonight. Actually i achieved a lot of things tonight. Besides my purpose was to have fun.
I was a little shaken after the bowling game, i think its because of the pressure i was putting myself under. But as i said, changing my way of thinking is going to take time.
I am on the right path, i can feel it. I just have to keep believing.
Anyway, i started bowling and i continuelly rolledmy ball into the gatter. After each ball my friends would snigger and laugh. Anyway after about 7 games i said to myself. I can do this, i love myself i am capable of anything. I also looked at my score and said "i have already achieved this much, i can do it. After that.... i actually started scoring. I came last in the whole game but who cares about that, i actually hit the pins. The first game i scored about 38.
The second game i beat my score and didnt come last. I scored 85.
The third game i started to put a bit of pressure on myself which i should do. I tried to talk myself out of it but i went about it the wrong way. I achieved my goal there was no need to put pressure on myself to score a strike. However, its going to take a considerable amount of time for me to change my way of thinking. I am not going to put pressure on myself to change a life time of habits in one sitting. I will get there, i just have to be patient with myself. I scored 58 in the third game. I came last but who cares, the highest i have ever scored in 15, i achieved something tonight. Actually i achieved a lot of things tonight. Besides my purpose was to have fun.
I was a little shaken after the bowling game, i think its because of the pressure i was putting myself under. But as i said, changing my way of thinking is going to take time.
I am on the right path, i can feel it. I just have to keep believing.
Friday, January 2, 2009
todays exercise
Today i did some exercise although i have no idea how long it took for me to do it. I also wasnt in the mood to go walking outside.
2 minutes step ups
2 minutes running on spot
2 minutes step ups
2 minutes running
30 star jumps 2 sets
20 tricep dips 2 sets
2 minutes crunches hands by side
2 minutes crunches hands across chest
2 minutes crunches hands behind head
1 minute plank
3 sets x 12 shoulder press
3 sets x 12 bench press
3 sets x 12 hammer curl
Although i did alot i dont like this program because i should be focusing on one body part per day.
Especially on tuesdays, thursdays and fridays when there is no training.
2 minutes step ups
2 minutes running on spot
2 minutes step ups
2 minutes running
30 star jumps 2 sets
20 tricep dips 2 sets
2 minutes crunches hands by side
2 minutes crunches hands across chest
2 minutes crunches hands behind head
1 minute plank
3 sets x 12 shoulder press
3 sets x 12 bench press
3 sets x 12 hammer curl
Although i did alot i dont like this program because i should be focusing on one body part per day.
Especially on tuesdays, thursdays and fridays when there is no training.
its so hard
Over the last week i have been fabulous with my exercising. I have been walking at least 45 minutes a day and attending training. One day, when i was in the city i walked 3 hours and went to training later that night.
The only thing is that i have been experiencing diarrhea. At first i thought it was a virus but i haven't had any other symptoms. But at about 3pm every day i am sick. The only thing i have done different is eat a little more of the good fats but that is the only thing that is different. I am hoping that its my bodies way of cleaning out because i have increased my exercise. However, i have lost no weight, in fact i have gained or stabolised a little bit. If it continues until Monday i might contact the doctor.
Tonight i went to Woolworth's to buy some milk. As soon as i walked in i started craving something sweet. However, i stuck to my guns and in the end i came out with what i went for. Milk only! Its been a long time since i have been able to resist a strong craving. That's an achievement that i think deserves recognition.
The only thing is that i have been experiencing diarrhea. At first i thought it was a virus but i haven't had any other symptoms. But at about 3pm every day i am sick. The only thing i have done different is eat a little more of the good fats but that is the only thing that is different. I am hoping that its my bodies way of cleaning out because i have increased my exercise. However, i have lost no weight, in fact i have gained or stabolised a little bit. If it continues until Monday i might contact the doctor.
Tonight i went to Woolworth's to buy some milk. As soon as i walked in i started craving something sweet. However, i stuck to my guns and in the end i came out with what i went for. Milk only! Its been a long time since i have been able to resist a strong craving. That's an achievement that i think deserves recognition.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I am fabulous
The last few days i have been determind to change my life for the better. I have been eating really healthy and exercising everyday. My out look is changing and i am beginning to love myself more and more everyday and I am trying not to let anything effect me at all.
Yesterday i went to the city for the day. Normally i would buy myself a treat such as a chocolate or a ice cream. I didnt do that and i also had a really healthy lunch.
One thing i have been eating is rice paper rolls. I shouldn't eat to much of them because they are carbs but they are so fresh. However, they are good carbs and i would rather be eating them than a chocolate bar or something worse. Sugar makes me so sick sometimes.
I really want the weight to come off and i have never been more determined than i am right now. I want this to be my year.
Another thing is, a friend of mine i have been told might contact me. This person has hurt me very badly TWICE before. I dont think i will be making the same mistake again.
Yesterday i went to the city for the day. Normally i would buy myself a treat such as a chocolate or a ice cream. I didnt do that and i also had a really healthy lunch.
One thing i have been eating is rice paper rolls. I shouldn't eat to much of them because they are carbs but they are so fresh. However, they are good carbs and i would rather be eating them than a chocolate bar or something worse. Sugar makes me so sick sometimes.
I really want the weight to come off and i have never been more determined than i am right now. I want this to be my year.
Another thing is, a friend of mine i have been told might contact me. This person has hurt me very badly TWICE before. I dont think i will be making the same mistake again.
Monday, December 22, 2008
My exercise plan
My dietition says i need to exercise 6 times a week to achieve my goal so here it goings
Monday: boot class
Tuesday: step ups, star jumps, step up, star jumps, running on the spot, lunges, squats lunges and squats with 2 and 3 pulses, if time consult dumbell books.
Wednesday: boot class
Thursday off
Friday: 40 minute walk with squats lunges, sit ups and push ups
Saturday: As above
Monday: boot class
Tuesday: step ups, star jumps, step up, star jumps, running on the spot, lunges, squats lunges and squats with 2 and 3 pulses, if time consult dumbell books.
Wednesday: boot class
Thursday off
Friday: 40 minute walk with squats lunges, sit ups and push ups
Saturday: As above
Monday, December 15, 2008
I have made a decision
Today i have made a decision about my training next year. My training at school is ending because i am transferring. I was going to go to the gym but the truth is i hate the gym. I hate exercising on a machine that has been used by someone else that has been sweating. I also feel very exposed at the gym. I cant explain the "exposure" however, i always feel very uncomfortable being there and i also feel very alone.
The advantage of training on my own is that, not only is it going to take a lot of exercising, it is going to take a total mental overhaul. I have to BELIEVE that i can do this and i have to say it over and over again. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND MY ABILITIES. When i was seeing the hypno she made me listen to this tape which said " i constantly think and act in the direction of my highest good and goal" and that is what i plan to do.
I also plan to think like a thin person. There are rules of the universe that state that you ask the universe and you think as if you already have that thing. So i am going to think that i am already thin and i am already wearing sexy clothes. I have to visualise myself having achieved my goal.
The advantage of training on my own is that, not only is it going to take a lot of exercising, it is going to take a total mental overhaul. I have to BELIEVE that i can do this and i have to say it over and over again. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND MY ABILITIES. When i was seeing the hypno she made me listen to this tape which said " i constantly think and act in the direction of my highest good and goal" and that is what i plan to do.
I also plan to think like a thin person. There are rules of the universe that state that you ask the universe and you think as if you already have that thing. So i am going to think that i am already thin and i am already wearing sexy clothes. I have to visualise myself having achieved my goal.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Being accountable
I have just finished reading more of Silvestro's book and i have realised some very important things about myself. Although i admit totally to having a weight problem i have not been honest about my behaviours sorounding my weight problem.
I know i am 29 kilos overweight, however, admitting what i did to get there has been a huge problem for me. I am in total denial about myself.
I remember the "bad" weeks when i did "sureslim" . The weeks where i had eaten something that wasnt in the diet or over indulged in something. I also remember the feelings of guilt and sadness i felt when i handed in my food diary. Although i never knew for sure, i could almost feel the consultant laughing at me or even hear their thoughts of "she's not going to achieve her goal". They probably didnt think anything of my failures, however, i had such low self esteem that i always thought people were judging me. The thing is, instead of taking this on board and trying to improve, i would only write down the healthy things i ate and conviently forgot the bad things because i didnt want to experience those bad feelings.
Well that is going to change, when i stuff up i am going to write it down and aim to improve. No more "forgetting" to write my bad moments . No more lying to myself or denial. Just honesty ! However, the hardest thing for me, is not being negetative or hard on myself. Stuff ups are apart of everyones weightloss journey and i have to be prepared to accept that.
I know i am 29 kilos overweight, however, admitting what i did to get there has been a huge problem for me. I am in total denial about myself.
I remember the "bad" weeks when i did "sureslim" . The weeks where i had eaten something that wasnt in the diet or over indulged in something. I also remember the feelings of guilt and sadness i felt when i handed in my food diary. Although i never knew for sure, i could almost feel the consultant laughing at me or even hear their thoughts of "she's not going to achieve her goal". They probably didnt think anything of my failures, however, i had such low self esteem that i always thought people were judging me. The thing is, instead of taking this on board and trying to improve, i would only write down the healthy things i ate and conviently forgot the bad things because i didnt want to experience those bad feelings.
Well that is going to change, when i stuff up i am going to write it down and aim to improve. No more "forgetting" to write my bad moments . No more lying to myself or denial. Just honesty ! However, the hardest thing for me, is not being negetative or hard on myself. Stuff ups are apart of everyones weightloss journey and i have to be prepared to accept that.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
bit of a blow out
Today i had a bit of a blow out. Before recess i was moving all of my stuff so i was using a lot of energy plus i was surrounded with a lot of dust. As soon as i went to the staff room and i saw some lollies i ate them. They werent gluten free so that is one area that i have to work on. So i shoulndt have had them anyway.
Then after school i had four freddo frogs because i was so tired and tonight i had an ice cream. In the back of my mind i figure that i have worked hard to today so i deserve it plus i had a healthy dinner. However, now that i think about ALL that i have eaten across the day it makes me shudder. Its a lot of sugar.
Strategies:
Dont sit near the lollies in the staffroom.
Take some snacks (carbs) to the staff meeting so i dont feel like sugar.
Then after school i had four freddo frogs because i was so tired and tonight i had an ice cream. In the back of my mind i figure that i have worked hard to today so i deserve it plus i had a healthy dinner. However, now that i think about ALL that i have eaten across the day it makes me shudder. Its a lot of sugar.
Strategies:
Dont sit near the lollies in the staffroom.
Take some snacks (carbs) to the staff meeting so i dont feel like sugar.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Plan for weightloss 2009
In this photo i am pretty heavy. Although since this photo has been taken i have put on more weight. My plan is place a photo on here with all 29 kilos shed.
goals for 2009:
* Be running 1 lap of the football field across the road by May 2009.
loose 29 kilos by December of 2009.
keep it off
change my way of thinking so that i choose healthy food all the time.
Learn to love myself
Not to allow the actions or verbalisations of others to affect my way of thinking.
Say something nice to someone everyday.
Make some new friends
Strategies:
Continue with Liz
Read "if i can you can" by Silvestro Musumeci
Continue reading health magazines.
Develop strategies so i can cope. Eg listening to music, drinking plenty of water, listening to Relaxiation cd.
Eating before i go out (fruit, bread, crackers etc)
When i get cravings i can; play my Wii, Read health magazines, read Silvestro, listen to my MP3 player.
Work out every day and continue with boxing.
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