its so hard

Over the last week i have been fabulous with my exercising. I have been walking at least 45 minutes a day and attending training. One day, when i was in the city i walked 3 hours and went to training later that night.

The only thing is that i have been experiencing diarrhea. At first i thought it was a virus but i haven't had any other symptoms. But at about 3pm every day i am sick. The only thing i have done different is eat a little more of the good fats but that is the only thing that is different. I am hoping that its my bodies way of cleaning out because i have increased my exercise. However, i have lost no weight, in fact i have gained or stabolised a little bit. If it continues until Monday i might contact the doctor.

Tonight i went to Woolworth's to buy some milk. As soon as i walked in i started craving something sweet. However, i stuck to my guns and in the end i came out with what i went for. Milk only! Its been a long time since i have been able to resist a strong craving. That's an achievement that i think deserves recognition.

I am fabulous

The last few days i have been determind to change my life for the better. I have been eating really healthy and exercising everyday. My out look is changing and i am beginning to love myself more and more everyday and I am trying not to let anything effect me at all.

Yesterday i went to the city for the day. Normally i would buy myself a treat such as a chocolate or a ice cream. I didnt do that and i also had a really healthy lunch.

One thing i have been eating is rice paper rolls. I shouldn't eat to much of them because they are carbs but they are so fresh. However, they are good carbs and i would rather be eating them than a chocolate bar or something worse. Sugar makes me so sick sometimes.


I really want the weight to come off and i have never been more determined than i am right now. I want this to be my year.

Another thing is, a friend of mine i have been told might contact me. This person has hurt me very badly TWICE before. I dont think i will be making the same mistake again.

My exercise plan

My dietition says i need to exercise 6 times a week to achieve my goal so here it goings

Monday: boot class
Tuesday: step ups, star jumps, step up, star jumps, running on the spot, lunges, squats lunges and squats with 2 and 3 pulses, if time consult dumbell books.
Wednesday: boot class
Thursday off
Friday: 40 minute walk with squats lunges, sit ups and push ups
Saturday: As above

I have made a decision

Today i have made a decision about my training next year. My training at school is ending because i am transferring. I was going to go to the gym but the truth is i hate the gym. I hate exercising on a machine that has been used by someone else that has been sweating. I also feel very exposed at the gym. I cant explain the "exposure" however, i always feel very uncomfortable being there and i also feel very alone.

The advantage of training on my own is that, not only is it going to take a lot of exercising, it is going to take a total mental overhaul. I have to BELIEVE that i can do this and i have to say it over and over again. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND MY ABILITIES. When i was seeing the hypno she made me listen to this tape which said " i constantly think and act in the direction of my highest good and goal" and that is what i plan to do.

I also plan to think like a thin person. There are rules of the universe that state that you ask the universe and you think as if you already have that thing. So i am going to think that i am already thin and i am already wearing sexy clothes. I have to visualise myself having achieved my goal.

Being accountable

I have just finished reading more of Silvestro's book and i have realised some very important things about myself. Although i admit totally to having a weight problem i have not been honest about my behaviours sorounding my weight problem.

I know i am 29 kilos overweight, however, admitting what i did to get there has been a huge problem for me. I am in total denial about myself.

I remember the "bad" weeks when i did "sureslim" . The weeks where i had eaten something that wasnt in the diet or over indulged in something. I also remember the feelings of guilt and sadness i felt when i handed in my food diary. Although i never knew for sure, i could almost feel the consultant laughing at me or even hear their thoughts of "she's not going to achieve her goal". They probably didnt think anything of my failures, however, i had such low self esteem that i always thought people were judging me. The thing is, instead of taking this on board and trying to improve, i would only write down the healthy things i ate and conviently forgot the bad things because i didnt want to experience those bad feelings.

Well that is going to change, when i stuff up i am going to write it down and aim to improve. No more "forgetting" to write my bad moments . No more lying to myself or denial. Just honesty ! However, the hardest thing for me, is not being negetative or hard on myself. Stuff ups are apart of everyones weightloss journey and i have to be prepared to accept that.

bit of a blow out

Today i had a bit of a blow out. Before recess i was moving all of my stuff so i was using a lot of energy plus i was surrounded with a lot of dust. As soon as i went to the staff room and i saw some lollies i ate them. They werent gluten free so that is one area that i have to work on. So i shoulndt have had them anyway.

Then after school i had four freddo frogs because i was so tired and tonight i had an ice cream. In the back of my mind i figure that i have worked hard to today so i deserve it plus i had a healthy dinner. However, now that i think about ALL that i have eaten across the day it makes me shudder. Its a lot of sugar.

Strategies:
Dont sit near the lollies in the staffroom.
Take some snacks (carbs) to the staff meeting so i dont feel like sugar.

Plan for weightloss 2009

In this photo i am pretty heavy. Although since this photo has been taken i have put on more weight. My plan is place a photo on here with all 29 kilos shed.

goals for 2009:

* Be running 1 lap of the football field across the road by May 2009.

loose 29 kilos by December of 2009.

keep it off

change my way of thinking so that i choose healthy food all the time.

Learn to love myself

Not to allow the actions or verbalisations of others to affect my way of thinking.

Say something nice to someone everyday.

Make some new friends

Strategies:

Continue with Liz

Read "if i can you can" by Silvestro Musumeci

Continue reading health magazines.

Develop strategies so i can cope. Eg listening to music, drinking plenty of water, listening to Relaxiation cd.

Eating before i go out (fruit, bread, crackers etc)

When i get cravings i can; play my Wii, Read health magazines, read Silvestro, listen to my MP3 player.

Work out every day and continue with boxing.